new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
