I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
