She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
