you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
