i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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