I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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