just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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