im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
