Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
