Screwed.edu
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
