Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
