3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
