dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
