Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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