tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
