JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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