Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
