What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
