Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
