She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
