never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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