He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The feeling are messing with the penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
