I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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