these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
