so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
