Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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