Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
