I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
