so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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