But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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