hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
