so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
