Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
