Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
