I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
