i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
