you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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