he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
