Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How external is "for external use only"?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
