Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
