Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
