At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize