i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
