Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
