fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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