If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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