I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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