My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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