i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
