Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
