I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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