The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
